Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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