bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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