I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
