So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You're like the curious george of whores
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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