Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
