My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
