You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize