The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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