I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
