We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
