Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
