My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
