dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
