I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You are the jesus of drinking
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
