1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
