i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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