apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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