WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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