Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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