Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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