I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
