too bad you live with your parents still
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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