is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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