I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
