So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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