it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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