C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
