wat bout pragnant strippers??
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
