apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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