Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
