last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could fuck to npr.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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