"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
