I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
