I hate your face
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
