i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.