Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
