How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
