one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
