I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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