I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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