I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
