I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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