We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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