But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
