what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
