fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
