Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
