It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
