oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
