Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
