Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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