Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
