We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm passing your future prison.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
