Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She told me I should be a condom model.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
