Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
