he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I need to align my fucking chakras
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
