Can Purell be used as lube?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
