I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
