Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
