Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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