Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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