Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
