recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you inspire me to be a worse person
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
