This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
