Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You were trust falling into bushes
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
