How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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