dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she smelled like a LAN party
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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