Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
