Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
