Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
