Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
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I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
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A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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