Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
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Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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