just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
