it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
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